o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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