The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
