Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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