Kiss
Puke
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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