My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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