So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
