Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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