Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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