doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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