I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
