Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
