Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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