I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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