billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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