Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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