After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
MIDGETS
????
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
