Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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