I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
