so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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