You smell like stripper and shame
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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