i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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