tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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