Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
