we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
