I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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