"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
