Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
