im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
