Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
