quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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