mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
