i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
