so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
