I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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