The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
