He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
