so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
