I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Success! We fucked roommates!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
