Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
