I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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