Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
