Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
