I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
