also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
