final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
