You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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