He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize