So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
