if you like me you must not know who I am
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
