But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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