I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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