U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
