She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
