I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
