Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
