I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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