covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
