I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
