I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
