Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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