so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
