My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
