She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
