and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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