i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
