Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
