and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize