just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
