At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
