Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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