On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
