I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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