Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
