i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
