Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
