she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
