i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
